learning to fly

i don't think about how i see myself often..i mean i just "am". i like myself most days but if my hair is really big coz it's raining , or my makeup gets to "out there tranny" i'm not happy with myself..ya know , speaking of hair, i think i've spent my entire life trying to accept mine or at least get it to co-exist with me( i think of it as an entity in it's own right..it should even have it's own zip code..it's that huge) it's been raining here for two weeks..my hair is so massive that small animals have taken refuge from the weather..my hair is long and red and curly..sometimes it's shorter and frizzy..i'm like a human tressy doll..it goes up and down depending on the barometric pressure. i usually have two really great hair days a year..one in the fall, one in the spring, and i feel beautiful on those days. when i was a little girl, i just wanted a pony tail like all of my friends and my barbie doll , but my mother , who grew tired of the nightly screaming as she tried to comb my hair, always instructed the lady in her beauty parlor to give me a "poodle cut". i assure you that my lack of self esteem comes from those haircuts, as well as a fear of poodles. when i was a teenager , my hair made me look like like jimi hendrix and for some reason, men only found that mildly attractive. they wanted girls with long, straight hair, so i ironed mine (really! on an ironing board) and i coped with burns on my ears and smelling like i'd just put out a small brush fire. and now,the products that line my cabinet!!! they control frizz and increase shine and make it flatter and smoother and i can almost get my fingers thru it..almost...and surprisingly, after a lifetime of hating it and wishing it was different, surprise!! i love my hair..it's my identity, my armour , my signature..i'm "the lady with the red hair" or "ooo! i love your hair! is it natural?" and when i wonder what caused this transformation of thought..i'd like to say that i matured and finally accepted myself for who i am and it doesn't matter what you look like but we all know that 's a load of crap...it's because my man thinks my hair is amazing and that it's such a part of who i am and how i am that it thrills me..but most of all he thinks it's sexy and that makes me feel sexy and now we're back to the beginning.. .. i don't think about myself most days but when i feel good about myself who the hell cares why..it just feels good to like yourself. i'm learning to fly and i ain't got wings (thanx tom petty)